In this blog, I have commented several times about a key element that seems to be lacking in our culture, and leads to numerous ills of society. That element is kindness. It seems that we have either forgotten how to be kind, or just forgotten to be kind.
Kindness is, according to Merriam-Webster: “an act of kind assistance”, “the capacity for feeling for another’s unhappiness or misfortune”, or “sympathetic concern for the well-being of others.” (www.merriam-webster.com). Pretty simple in theory; much more difficult in practice. Being tender-hearted and compliant as a youngster didn’t keep me from learning hard lessons about kindness from my parents. For example, when I put clothespins on the cat’s tail and shut him up in the laundry room, I was justly punished. When I considered killing a bug just for minding its own business in the backyard, my Mom would remind me that God had placed that animal there for reasons that only he understood.
But being kind goes far beyond just avoiding the conscious infliction of pain upon another being. It also means taking account for our own actions, and considering how they might affect another. It means…compassion. A few months ago, I blogged about how I was nearly run over while entering my building by a woman with her attention glued to a cell phone. Letting the door slam in my face when I had my hands full didn’t fill my heart with joy. But it did make me resolve that day that I wasn’t going to let that happen to anyone else on my watch. (By the way, here is my disclaimer: I am a personal work-in-progress on this front, with miles to go before I sleep; my sweet wife teaches me a lot about this.)
So, what do we get in exchange for the minor sacrifices sometimes required for small acts of kindness? Well, for a start, perhaps better relationships. How about improved communication? Understanding of customers?
We seem to have become a “give-it-to-me-now” society, one in which success is considered getting to the finish line first, often without consideration for others. Technology, which was once considered a golden key which would free us from the mundane tasks and keep us from having time to get to know each other, only seems to make the problem worse.
It affects our lives as consumers, too. When was the last time you recognized “excellent” service from a business? (Hopefully you pointed it out, just as quickly as you would have it if had been the opposite.) But wasn’t it just a few decades ago that what is now considered “excellent service” was the minimum expectation? And really, what is excellent customer service but kindness, by another name?
Kindness is one of the Apostle Paul’s “fruits of the spirit”, as well as a key element in the Boy Scouts’ scout law, and is enshrined in many codes, creeds and religious traditions around the world. We are constantly reminded to be kind, but it can be hard to do with busy lives if we don’t make a habit of it. So….why don’t we?
There are many people out there with some good ideas for this. Here’s are a couple of them:
* The “Kindness Blog” is at http://kindnessblog.com/.
* Seattle etiquette expert Arden Clise has some great food for thought: http://www.cliseetiquette.com/2009/12/30/make-kindness-your-new-year%E2%80%99s-resolution/
So instead of making another pointless resolution to which we know we won’t adhere, what if we all made it our business to perform at least three acts of kindness each day? Don’t make a big deal of it, or seek recognition for it (that makes it self-serving and pointless); just award yourself with a mental pat on the back. How hard could that be, right? Who knows; maybe it’ll catch on.
(This was originally posted in the Clarion-Ledger on 12/30/2013.)
Ramblings and Rubble 